I am NOT a whore?

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I am not a whore…. or maybe I am? I’m not 100% certain who I lost my virginity to. It was either Ben from arts camp or Stephen, a business man in town for the weekend. Ben came first but just as the shampoo substitute for lube was about to do its job his friend burst into the dorm and we very quickly stopped what we were doing. So it’s unclear. I told my first boyfriend Tom that it was him but that was 100% certainly a big fat lie. The relationship only lasted like two months and to this day it is my longest relationship. So if in the four years since then I hadn’t had casual sex or the odd one night stand it would have been a ‘fucking’ long dry spell! I enjoy sex, I do. That’s part of why I want to a have a long term monogamous relationship. I want to do it multiple times a week and experiment! Not too wild but you know a few shades of grey are perfectly normal. More often then not a casual encounter is very vanilla and can be awkward. It is harder to be satisfied when you do not have a regular partner. Casual encounters are often end of night club hookups where there is often that genital sweat to deal with. That’s really why I shower thoroughly: 10% personal hygiene 90% surprise blowjobs. Then it’s often lights off and some sloppy moves and fake moans. I have no time for that shit. A guy that I was seeing(ish) told me that I was extremely bossy after he had given me a blowjob. I take that as a compliment because if something doesn’t feel good I’m not going to pretend it does. And if I know what will feel good I will happily instruct my partner. That particular encounter was one of my best dates. He was an electrician so he came over and fixed all of the lights in my house without charge…. then he turned me on. He was a lovely guy but definitely more of a friend. After I cum I temporarily loose all sexual interest and if I’m not emotionally invested in them I just want them to leave. So after sed bossy blow job I was like ‘oh shit I think mom might be home early today.’ To which he replied ‘okay sure maybe I should leave?’… #Success.

So just to reiterate I would not consider myself overly promiscuous but I have definitely had a few one night stands and casual flings. It’s funny though my values completely change depending on the guy. If somebody hits on my I always chat to them because I think it is brave to come up to somebody and I respect directness. But if I’m not attracted to them I accept my free drink and then politely explain that I’m not into hooking up with randoms and then runaway to my friends. However if a hot guy comes onto me it is a whole different story. I always use the infamous, ‘oh wow I never normally do this’ which I’ve later learned is a dead give away that I do!

That being said it has never totally sat right with me to be so physically close to someone and then never see them again… well actually if you’re lucky you’ll never see them again. I was out one night with some friends after our ‘I hate valentines day’ party. My friend Sadie was with this English Lawyer who was chatting her up. When he went to the bar to get her a drink we had the quick best friend debrief and she told me that she was pretty sure he was bi-sexual. So I say to her “okay well $10 to whoever sucks his dick first” (this isn’t really supporting my I am not a whore theory but slutever). So when he gets back I start to turn on the charm and before long he’s going back to the bar to get me a drink. Then we head to the outside balcony and on the way I bump into Christian, who is a diver that I went on a date snorkelling with earlier that week. Mark gives me some space and Christian and I have a quick back and fourth before I excuse myself. Then out on the balcony I lock eyes with Dennis. Dennis is a guy who I had hooked up with a week before. We just locked eyes and there was no smile, no recognition, no coming up to say hey. This was all getting too much for me so I storm inside to dance it off and Mark follows me like a little puppy. Christian also must have followed me in because when I get to the dance floor I am sandwiched between Mark and Christian frozen in panic. I don’t want either of them to think that I am two timing them. Sadie grabs my shoulder and shouts, ‘just focus on me Dave, dance with me,’ then I blurt out ‘I HAVE TO PEE’ and run to the bathrooms to hide.

When Mark finds me later he looks all hurt and says ‘I feel like I’m just following you around, you want to talk to that other guy just go’ to which I find completely adorable and slightly enjoy. So I invite him back to Sadie’s where I’m staying in the spare room that night. We fool around for a bit and he stays the night. I promised to drive him home in the morning but he ordered an Uber instead. This was great because I couldn’t be fucked driving him home. I friended myself on his phone at Connections so me and Sadie went on Facebook to stalk him after he had left… only he wasn’t in my friends list. Sadie looked at me and said, ‘he must have literally gotten into the car and been like DELETE’, we both burst out laughing. When I got home from Sadies I posted a group photo from the night before captioned ‘Happy alentines ay to all my single pringles getting no V or D’. I left like adding ‘and shoutout to all the ho’s (pictured)’.

But I am not a ‘ho’. Gay men and women who have multiple partners are viewed negatively. Our society conveys so many messages aren’t true and some of which are really damaging. Our bodies are designed to get pleasure from sex. There is nothing wrong with having casual sex. It only becomes an issue if you are harming yourself or your partner in anyway. I realised I was harming myself. It bothers me that I am being treated so carelessly. Like when a guy doesn’t contact me the next day let alone acknowledge my presence when I am in the same room. I don’t like being so physically close to someone and the next day being strangers. That discrepancy hurts me. If I like a guy I want to get the opportunity to date him. So it’s important to really clarify your intentions so that you know what you want and don’t compromise yourself. At this moment in time I wanted friendships and relationships with other men and these types of encounters were leaving me feeling alone. I’m definitely not ruling casual sex out. I look forward to harmless and guilt free flings. I like sex and I think I’m good at it! So I just want to defend myself by explaining that I’m fairly certain Mark deleted me of Facebook because he was in the closet. Just to be sure the following weekend I prank booty called him… He was very keen, so I hung up.

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